Dwight for President
DWIGHT D. DUCK ENTERS PRESIDENTIAL RACE
National Politics – March 19, 2012 – Since the launch of Parli-Cards games in November of 2011, the company’s spokesperson, Dwight D. Duck, has become a household name. As a teacher and tour guide, his expertise regarding our nation’s capital has been wildly sought. Activists of every political stripe have worked to convince the lame duck to run for President.
Today, a spokesperson announced that indeed the drake will run. “Dwight D. Duck knows the games of Washington like no other, and is best feathered to guide our nation’s future,” said Marilyn Mallard, Dwight’s long time live-in girlfriend and campaign manager. When asked if she felt their status might cause controversy, she reported that ducks typically don’t marry as rings on wings violate Federal Aviation Regulations (FAR). “Besides, if successful, I won’t be the first un-married chick to nest with a President,” Mallard added.
Mr. Duck is considered to be a formidable candidate. He brings not only inside the beltway experience to the table, but also has business experience. Indeed, he has actually been creating jobs, most recently in the manufacturing sector, in the United States. All Parli-Cards games are made in America. Game production requires the work of researchers, writers, artists, lawyers, manufactures, and sales people, to name a few.
“Instead of calling upon government to create unsustainable, temporary jobs through still more regulation at the expense of taxpayers, Mr. Duck launched Parli-Cards and put real people to work in new, private enterprise.” Ms. Mallard reported. “Additionally, he has been active in various initiatives such as education and migration reform. Mr. Duck is the founder of Ducks Without Borders, an effective nonprofit organization.”
When asked why Mr. Duck wasn’t holding a press conference, Ms. Mallard explained that he was too busy. “He doesn’t like to blow his own bill. Instead, he believes those seeking fair and balanced attention from the main stream media (MSM), should actually do something constructive,” she quacked. “As President, one priority would be to put a Parli-Cards game in every classroom and on every kitchen table in America. And, while he’d like to do that ‘on day one,’ he would never be so foolish as to make such a promise just because cameras are rolling.” she added.
Contenders reached for comment had varied reactions to the entry of Mr. Duck. A spokesperson for Snewt was quick to suggest a Lincoln – Douglas style debate. Glove’s campaign issued a statement explaining that while Mr. Duck knows the games of Washington, Mr. Runme knows the games of the world. Centorum’s camp was reassessing their strategy given that with Parli-Cards, one can become President for just $35.95 – no Super Quack required.
Run Paul was the only candidate who actually picked up the phone. He had this to say: “There is nothing in the Constitution or any governing documents to prevent a Duck from running for President, as long as he or she is 35 years of age or older, and was born in the United States. Run welcomed an injection of common sense into the political contest, but also mentioned that he’d like to see a Hatch Certificate.
Neighbors interviewed near Dwight D. Duck’s residence in Wisconsin, expressed relief. “If you can get that quack on the campaign trail, it might put an end to the nonstop chanting of ‘Occupy, occupy, occupy the oval,’ outside our otherwise quiet abode,” said Ed (who was reluctant to provide a last name).
Parli-Cards is a series of fun, family, and educational games developed under the products division of Practical Strategies, Inc. Games and product information are published on an independent website, www.parli-cards.com.
About Practical Strategies, Inc.
PSI is a public policy consulting and marketing firm with offices in Wisconsin and Washington DC. Additionally, PSI provides market research and focus group facilities in their Wisconsin office. For further information, please visit www.practical-strategies.com.
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